The front page of the Menu. Worth a read.

The Middle Park Hotel has been refurbished, rebranded and reinvigorated. So they would have you believe. This ex-brewery, ex-party, ex-neighbourhood pub is the latest gastropub in town and the food is getting rave reviews. People are over the top with the quality of the food that chef Paul Wilson is producing and they are right, the quality of the food is great. Perfectly executed.

But what are they doing? The hotel is trying to be everything to everyone. It has an amazing feature-piece bar which dominates the room and a wine and booze list to match. The architecture is startling, built with beautiful dark wood, it even has a custom printed carpet with the hotel’s emblem. The collection of sporting paraphernalia adorning the walls is pretty impressive. Robbie McEwen’s signed green jersey, a Victor Trumper bat and a variety of panoramic photos, rugby jerseys and old, long-irrelevant highschool awards boards. I suppose it is left over from the days of the Gunn Island.

This strikes me as a hotel built by committee. Take 1 hotel owner who loves his sport and owns a great piece of real estate, add an investor who loves architecture and thinks an interior design makes or breaks a venue and top it all off with an awesome English chef who loves eating and cooking offal. The result is a superb restaurant with a statement on the first page of the menu that they love everything to do with sport and that the Spring Racing carnival will be played on all screens throughout the establishment. This is exactly what the discerning diner wants, the sound of people cheering on the boxing match (advertised on a letter-board out the front) while they are enjoying their offal salad.

The confusion doesn’t stop there. The menu doesn’t know what season it is. The pub has outside dining for close to 50 patrons, perfect to take advantage of the hot, upcoming summer, yet the menu consists of mostly heavy, winter style meals. Offal, roast chicken, lamb chops, pork chops and the “coming soon” roasts of rare animals are not the sort of meal to eat in 35 degree weather.

Nor have they quite grasped the concept of a bar menu. There are 2 menus, a restaurant and a bar menu, yet both can be ordered throughout the hotel but only is their any sort of service at the restaurant tables. Order your meal, explain to the bartender which of the 20 outdoor tables you are sitting at and you receive a box of cutlery, napkins, salt and pepper. With the quality of the food and the price of a meal, I expect a far higher level of service. Perhaps these may be teething problems, but the obvious solution is to only allow the restaurant menu to be ordered from the restaurant where the extremely good waitstaff can handle everything.

You see, the problem is that this pub could be so much more. The critics will love the food and the people of Middle Park are crying out for a place, any place to drink. But this hotel, even with it’s free wifi, superstar chef, and extensive wine and scotch list just isn’t going to be the haunt of the wealthy 55 year old BMW driving residents of Middle Park.

Sad really.

The Menu

More photos

Sadly, the problem was the temperature of the bar itself. It was freezing. The heating was being provided by a couple of small 4 bar oil heaters, and 1 overhead airconditioner blowing warm air near the end of the bar. The bar was reasonably full, but each group was huddling for warmth around their heaters and as all the seats at the front were taken, we sat in the small indoor area past the toilets. There was no heating and we were forced to cuddle up to each other for warmth.

We didn’t however let this little problem enjoying the bar for what it was. The interior is amazing, described to intricate detaul at the Design Files. However, their photos are taken in full light and don’t quite show it in all its night time glory. The long hallway and back area are filled with amazing shadows cast by candles, green and red lights which sets the mood and makes for a really interesting setting. I’ll let the results of the impromptu photo shoot speak for themselves.

This is one of Melbourne’s suburban gems and would have been much better had the designer taken heating into account. I suppose I’ll be back in the summer.

Presided over by a statuette of chairman Mao and state sponsored propaganda, the space consists of an open arrangement of low couches and the obligatory stools at the bar. Forget about boothes and intimate tables for 2, this open community style arrangement forces you into conversing with your fellow drinkers or provides for a jovial place for a larger group. Even the toilets take the community feel with 1 door between seat and smoking area, unisex toilets and one old laundry sink for your hands.

The asian theme permeates throughout the establishment, the cocktail list consists of contemporary cocktails with asian herbs and flavours. Coriander and ginger, lychee and cardamom mixed deliciously in a combination of smashes, sidecars and martinis. Apart from the strange question of  “How would you like your manhattan, sweet, dry or perfect?” the barman constructed a perfectly balanced cocktail with a perfect dose of sweet vermouth, the requested matuselum 12 year old and a healthy dose of maraschino juice (in the absence of liqueur) topped of with 2 cherries.

Subsequent visits have been met by nothing short of happiness from the barstaff to experiment. Reza (sp?) is the man that always seems to be there and most recently was happy to concoct a libation involving a secret Double Happiness recipe spice syrup, coriander, rye whiskey and vermouth which resulted in a very eastern style mint julep. Dangerously easy to suck down, but perhaps not quite ballsy enough. This collaborative effort with yours truly is what sets this bar apart and seems to be a regular occurence.

It seems that the personalised service isn’t restricted to me alone. Behind the bar there are a number of lockers, storing regular customer’s specially ordered bottles of this and that. I’m told they can and will get just about anything and keep it there just for you when you stumble in late at night for a rare single-malt tipple.

Everything about this bar is friendly, the staff don’t necessarily have the orthodox customer service manner yet it is friendly and welcoming. Their attitude is great, capping off what isn’t necessarily the most popular or trendiest bar in Melbourne. It is more like an old favourite, a comfortable place to go for a late night drink on your own or with friends. A place to sip on a great drink that’s not out of your price range but still made with all the care you deserve. Perhaps this is the communist way.

The bandroom itself has only been operating as a live music venue for around 6 months and advertises itself as having a state of the art soundsystem and lighting set up. The layout is a very standard upstairs style with stairs in the middle of the dancefloor and bar at the back. It’s a proven design and $14 jugs of beer and $5.50 wines make for a cheap gig out.

The performance of Urthboy though was a little disappointing. Wether the crowd came expecting something else, the new songs not striking the right chords or Urthboy not working the crowd, it lacked the vibe of prior performances. His older stuff wasn’t met with much fanfare while the more popular songs such as Modern Day Folk, We Get Around and Nothing That I’d Rather Do were hits. The support vocals of Jane Tyrrell were exceptional, her haunting voice added a great dimension to the performance.

Perhaps the problem with the performance was the crowds expected unfamiliarity of the new songs. Bizarrely what seemed to be the introduction skit of the song Spitshine was done after the song rather than before. The other issue was the volume of the music. Standing a few metres in front of the sound desk It really could have done with a few more decibels of volume, letting the bass fill what is a large room that wasn’t completely packed with people.

All in all, the concert had room for improvement but at $20 a ticket and served up with cheap beer it is hard to not think the value was good. I hope that Astronomy Class in June don’t make the same mistakes.

The selection of booze is everything you would expect for any high calibre cocktail bar in Melbourne. The fridge is stocked with a great range of beers from a range of boutique breweries, Moo Brew Pale Ale being a standout. The wine list has been carefully crafted from local wines, the house red, white and sparkling even sport Libation brand as is happening across the town.

The range of spirits is where Libation really shines. There is no great collection of single malt whiskey or agave tequila but the back bar covers a lot of ground.A few flavours of absinthe opens the account backed by a range of liqueurs and syrups that look like they see some use. Maraschino liqueur is a bottle rarely seen on the backbar of establishment in these parts and Luxardo is a particularly good brand. 42 Below, Grey Goose and Belvedere cover the bases with every flavour of vodka imaginable. 10 cane rum has a major presence on the shelves but doesn’t outshine the Havana Club 8 year-old or the Angostura 1919. Gin-wise the offering is solid, the shelf holds Tanqueray, South and Hendricks as well as the old favourites, Bombay and Plymouth.  Where the gin-shelf is lacklustre, the whisky shines. Laphroaig, Glenmorangie, Asyla and Dewars  backed up by all the styles of Johnnie Walker, Chivas Regal, Glenfiddich and Jamesons.

The cocktail list is a contemporary affair but the classics are well represented. Sitting at the bar on a quiet afternoon your drinks will be served by knowledgable and friendly staff who are happy to have a chat but this isn’t always the case.  On weekend nights the service won’t be as personal but happily the quality doesn’t flag. Despite a recent Sunday being busy, the request of a Mint Julep was given a strange look, a few whispers behind the bar and the recipe confirmed. The end result was garnished beautifully, tasted great but lacked bitters, an easy omition.

This bar is another gem in Melbourne’s small bar scene, intimate and full of character it would be a crime to compare it to the top end cocktail bar’s like Der Raum and 1806. Its beauty lies in its straightforward, down to earth approach which brings well made cocktails, good wine and beer at good prices to everyone.

This very feeling makes the Napier the perfect local. Friendly faces, cheap meals and comfortable surrounds make dropping in for a quiet pint or to watch the footy all too easy. Footy in Melbourne isn’t just something to watch, it is religion and at the Napier, in the heart of Fitzroy, things are no different. The walls are covered with Fitzroy and Brisbane Lions guernseys, premiership posters and team photos and when the Lions are playing, the very same barflies will tell you stories about how Paul Roos and Bernie Quinlan used to come in and drink 3 pints before the game every Saturday. Believing them is another story.

The menu is standard pub fare, with a difference. The ubiquitous chicken parmagiana makes an appearance with the option of house-smoked kangaroo rather than ham, calling it the best Parma in Melbourne would be ridiculous (as it always is), the roo-meat is a great touch and well worth trying. The Bogan Burger is a massive hamburger with the works including a potato scallop but it doesn’t live up to the high expectations set by all the rave reviews. There is also a more restaurant/cafe style menu mostly comprising of different styles of salad, with lamb, squid or cajun chicken. Across all of these meals one thing jumps out at you, and that is value for money. The size is astounding, the quality uncompromising and the price cheap, considering.

The other night at the Belgian Bier Cafe on St Kilda Road, someone asked: why do girls like yoga?

Not such an unusual question when drinking at a boys-only gathering whilst contemplating the meaning of life and drinking expensive imported beer.

There’s plenty more questions about girls with no definitive answer, I thought, without being drawn into the conversation. I had after all been stuck for minutes wondering why I was paying A$7.50 for a Leffe Brun (Dark). This sweet brown beer isn’t as popular as its Blonde brother, but it is my personal favourite. When I say ‘favourite’ I mean it’s my beer of choice on the rare occasions I venture to this so-called ‘Cafe’. So-called because I was sitting at a picnic table placed on an otherwise dusty-brown piece of dirt – average facilities masquerading as a classy establishment. Others weren’t so lucky having brought their own picnic blankets or camping out on a rare piece of grass.

Upon the table was a ‘tray of frites’ I had bought for A$7.50 and smothered in mayonnaise to be shared amongst friends. I’m not sure how regular fried chips taste any different simply because they are described in a foreign terminology and served in an un-common fashion. I would have been happy with a bowl of chips.

Before long someone bought a Duvel, 8.5% of alcohol, pure bottled fury. It was also marked at an angry price, AU$10.50. The bottle did look pretty cool though. I guess the guy who bought it was already pissed.

After a long conversation about Hong Kong martial arts movies and directors had petered out, I asked everyone at the table: why do people like this Belgian Bier Cafe? There was no answer. It was obviously just one more of those questions that has no definitive answer.

This being said, there are a number of events that look like they will be really good value that I will definitely be trying to get to.

7th – 23rd March – Restaurant Express ($35)

A huge number of restaurants in the city and surrounds are providing a 2 course lunch, a glass of wine and a coffee or tea for $35. This seems like it will be a really great way to experience a restaurant that you might not normally be able to afford to eat at, or if you would might be able to have a couple of extra lunches for the same price.

12 March – A spanish affair, Comme ($40)

An extravaganza of all things Spanish, flamenco, food, beer and cava will be the flavour of the night on Alfred Place. Hosted by the the renowned Comme Kitchen the evening should be a Spanish style party of the highest quality.

7th March – Meat & Malbec, The Montague Hotel ($25)

The Montague Hotel will play host to an exploration of beef and Malbec wine. The wine comes straight from South America and as any red blooded Argentinian will tell you, it’s a match made in heaven.

14 March – Section 8 Block Party ($25)

Tucked in behind Chinatown, Section 8 is an example of a laneway bar that is bigger than the laneway. The Block Party is slated to bring together everything that the bar stands for. Fine beer, great asian cuisine, DJs and hula girls – What more could you ask for for $25?

21st and 22nd March – Cellar Door at Southgate ($25)

This is will be like going to all of the state’s cellar doors all at once. There are a number of learning sessions and tours provided for free by the festival and a number of restaurants are providing cheap tasting plates. This is all capped off by the Melbourne International Jazz festival happening at the same time.

23 March – The Global Trends, The Langham ($40)

Certainly not for every food lover looking for a bargain but this short conference about the food and wine industry and its media will certainly pique the interest of any aspiring journalist or blogger. 3 sessions with various world class media personalities and chefs and drinks should certainly cover a lot of ground regarding the entire industry and it’s future.

It became pretty clear to us pretty quickly that there are 2 completely opposite types of pubs in Melbourne, those that take themselves too seriously and those that absolutely don’t. I can’t remember all of the places but CQ and the Queensbridge Hotel were shit. Both of these places were the Uni games sanctioned social venues however they were being exclusive in who they were letting in, only dribbling people into the venue and on Thursday night telling them that it was too late and they had been drinking for days so they couldn’t come in – regardless of wether they were too drunk or not.

Then at the other end of the spectrum there were heaps of smaller places that were awesomely accommodating to a mob of drunk uni students. At the top of the list is “Bev and Mick’s bar” in North Melbourne. This place hosted the mixed netball boat races and even though they shut early than we had hoped they really didn’t give a shit about what went on. The number of glasses that were smashed by people standing on the bar, the number of pissed people painted green and the fact that there was 130 of us in a place designed to fit about 80 all went down without a shadow of complaint.

The other bar that get’s my vote for being accommodating is a little place called “The Red Violin.” We happened upon this place at 3am after being kicked out of the Traffic bar on Federation Square, (which was also happy to let things get loose) the security at the Red Violin were happy to let anything happen as long as it didn’t affect anyone else. At one stage a bouncer woke up a sleeping guy, not to kick him out for sleeping but ask him to take his feet off the table. This isn’t to mention the ridiculous drunkenness, stupid attire or people spitting in each other’s faces. This was all capped off at the end of the week, on Friday night when the dress code had clearly been raised (people wearing suits) and the doorman still let us in, cause we were “cool”.

Hats off to the Red Violin, Bev and Mick’s and everywhere else that made our week grand.